[brucelee]

I know I'm coming out of left field with this one, some of you know me well and know that suicide has haunted me in the past. A few times a year I get to a low point in my life and all my mind can focus on is ending myself. I wouldn't do it because I love my family and friends and wouldn't be so selfish, but when I do get to that point, all that seems irrelevant, all you can focus on is the low... it only lasts an hour or so, but its probably one of the worst feelings in the world. I saw a doc about it and they said I had a slight chemical imbalance in my brain that causes this and have me a pill to take for it... It seems to help out for the most part since this now happens less frequently, but it does still happen. I don't really do drugs or drink (with the exception of the occasional vicodin for back pain), but have found that the best thing to do when I do get to that point is to dose up on sleeping pills to re-occupy my mind. Somehow it helps ease the "depression" for some reason...

My question to my fellow gunnies is, if you experience anything like this and what you do to occupy your mind in times of turmoil? I hate alcohol and don't do drugs, like I said... any other alternatives short of group therapy (which is lame btw, for me at least).

Any help would be appreciated, you guys wouldn't wanna lose your head gunnie, would ya.

 

[Adler]

Ive had this as well. I just try to sleep it off as much as possible(not easy when you have insomnia and ulcers to keep you up). Other than that I try to turn it into anger and go out and blow nature to hell and back. Or is Just dig out the old guitar and play for a while to take my mind off things.

 

[BhamRoadrunner]

Do what I did, become a workaholic.

Of course your personal life will suffer, so will all of your jobs performance levels, any sort of family life you had will disappear, and your life will overly suck compared to your current situation, but at least you'll look back on what is currently the present and remember how good it used to be :wink:

 

[kilbie]

I had a lot of suicidal problems in the past. Especially when i was on dialysis after my kidneys failed. The best thing for me was my guitars. I would focus my pain into art. Some of my best stuff comes that way. Now I don't ever even think about suicide. I love myself way to much to hurt me.

 

[jamz]

I can't speak from personal experience, but having worked in the field a lot, I can tell you it's hard to do anything about a chemical imbalance once it's on you. When you're in the dumps is not the time to do something about it, it's when you are able to deal with things again that you should take action.

Think of it as digging trenches or fortifications against the next depression attack.

Action can include medication, maybe not all the time, maybe just when you feel that you need it, but not before it gets too late, like when you stop giving a fuck about medication. It can include some other stuff too, focusing on like a loved pet or something, but even that doesn't help everyone. Therapy? Maybe, but if its really chemical it's a chemical fix that you need. There might be something to be said for endorphins used as medication, so when you start feeling blue you go rent a full auto machine gun or whatever, or start running or hang gliding or 10 hour sex marathons or whatever to get your endorphin levels up.

If yer really feeling down, just look over to the left at my new avatar, and imagine yourself about to dispatch the freaky king to a better place. Never fails to give me a fit of the giggles.

 

[brucelee]

Thanks guys. Your words mean a lot to me.

 

[Shad]

Whenever I get feelings of worthlessnes, depression, guilt, etc., I always try to put myself in a situation where I'm reminded of the good things in my life. I'll go over to a friend's house and just bullshit about the crazy/stupid things we've done in the past. I'll gather a few of my friends together and go out for some coffee or do something else that's socially oriented. I'll call up a friend I haven't talked to in a while. If none of my friends are available, I'll just go out and find anyone to talk to, even if it's just pointless small talk. I've found that if you're willing to talk, there's always someone out there willing to listen. Anything to get my mind off of what's bothering me. Distraction is what's always worked best for me. I also like to keep myself surrounded with reminders of the good things that have happened in my life. Pictures of those I care about (my friends think I'm crazy because I always take a zillion pictures whenever we do anything) seem to keep me going when I feel like shit.

 

[MACHINE]

Distraction is always good for this. Find away to keep yourself busy. Sometimes i become a workaholic or work out alot more or both. Try and find something to do that you enjoy. But what works the best is usually hang out with yuor friends as much as you can and do something with them especially if its something you haven't done in a while. Also going hunting or backpacking seems to work for me.

 

[carLpocalypse]

to be honest, i just let things stew. ive been letting things stew for quite a number of years now. i would imagine this will continue. i dont really have any alternatives. im pretty much detached from a lot of things, i suppose somewhere along the line i told myself instead of dying, id just kill what was inside me. (lifelong ambitions, need for companionship and such) ..things are a lot simpler for me now.. not easier but simpler.

for a while, spending time researching the german war machine helped a little bit, it felt like i deserved to be lumped into the same group of people the world threw away, i thought i could relate to absolute "scum", it was a blast, like a rabbit hole, then I kinda weaned myself out of all that...

i would say, research.. history or something. yea.

find out about pol pot, or the vietnam war or something, (thats my current fav, the macvsog and all that)

 

[Mikkito]

I used to just keep it to myself and put on a happy face. Sometimes I'd just look happy, but then I'd go looking for "a fuck or a fight." Normally, when it would hit badly, I'd be around someone that would exagerate it. Then I'd tell them I was leaving, and why... Then they'd beg me not to leave and try to restrain me. That always made matters worse. It seemed to last a minimal amount of time if I was alone, but being around anyone always made it worse.
Zoning out and distraction works for the minor episodes... but, logic is really the only thing that used to get me through them.
Nowadays, I've just suppressed the feelings and thoughts until I feel like I'm going to explode. Then it doesn't work out too well. Hopefully after tonight, I'm past that.

 

[Shad]

I used to just keep it to myself and put on a happy face. Sometimes I'd just look happy, but then I'd go looking for "a fuck or a fight." Normally, when it would hit badly, I'd be around someone that would exagerate it. Then I'd tell them I was leaving, and why... Then they'd beg me not to leave and try to restrain me. That always made matters worse. It seemed to last a minimal amount of time if I was alone, but being around anyone always made it worse.
Zoning out and distraction works for the minor episodes... but, logic is really the only thing that used to get me through them.
Nowadays, I've just suppressed the feelings and thoughts until I feel like I'm going to explode. Then it doesn't work out too well. Hopefully after tonight, I'm past that.

That's why I'm trying to quit drinking. Every time I get really drunk I end up either kicking someone's ass over something stupid, or getting my ass kicked for picking a fight with the wrong person. That bottling shit up doesn't work too well for me. Whenever I get pissed (not very often, I've got very good control over my temper), all the shit that I suppress comes out.

 

[SolidForce]

Well I have been down your path Daniel (as you know, since we are the same person and all) and what worked for me was having an extreme life changing situation. I came very close to death once upon a time (no details here, except those that already know, please dont discuss either) and it opened up my eyes. Seeing how my death would affect my friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, online buddies, motorcycle community, etc. really opened my eyes. I never took any meds (I always thought I needed them as well) but instead took the therapy route. I thought it as crap as well once upon a time until I was so low I just gave it a fucking shot. I went in with an open mind, spilt my guts, let them do their thing and I think it helped. It for sure didnt "cure" me but it did help having that extra ummph behind me.

I tried all the things people have said in here before....alcohol, work, hobbies, girls...nothing worked...it took me breaking to finally see WTF this is all about. Until you face your demon, not drown it out, will you be able to overcome it.

-SF

 

[Mndfusion]

U say ur not into drugs...
Bud isnt a drug, its an herb. Try it!

Weed is the #1 anti-depressant, and should be scheduled as one. Its a quick easy solution to a low point. Better to puff on a spliff than a glock. I'm not saying to quit what ur doc. suggest but saying what he cant.

You should have some for your chem warfare kit anyway, if u got one, it will save your life if exposed to a nerve agent...really...The US ARMY hasa patent on a Miror of THC that some Israeli scientist brewed up. It will replace the current atropine injectors issued for VX, VN, SArin gas attacks...

If it saves your brain it cant be bad for it....Rats treated with it 5 minutes after exposure retained 85-90% of thier synapses, and the ones who got it imediatly suffered next to nothing..

 

[SolidForce]

U say ur not into drugs...
Bud isnt a drug, its an herb. Try it!

Weed is the #1 anti-depressant, and should be scheduled as one. Its a quick easy solution to a low point. Better to puff on a spliff than a glock. I'm not saying to quit what ur doc. suggest but saying what he cant.

You should have some for your chem warfare kit anyway, if u got one, it will save your life if exposed to a nerve agent...really...The US ARMY hasa patent on a Miror of THC that some Israeli scientist brewed up. It will replace the current atropine injectors issued for VX, VN, SArin gas attacks...

If it saves your brain it cant be bad for it....Rats treated with it 5 minutes after exposure retained 85-90% of thier synapses, and the ones who got it imediatly suffered next to nothing..

....meh...you get your info from "High Times" because I can cite about 15 published journals that disprove your findings.

Weed is a drug, a destructive drug that messes with people differently.

-SF

 

[Mndfusion]

find the one about chemical warfare...and site away, I love propaganda

 

[SolidForce]

find the one about chemical warfare...and site away, I love propaganda

works both ways

-SF

 

[Mndfusion]

"Dexabinol is an analogue of THC. It is not psychoactive, but it is neuroprotective," he told DRCNet. "All of dexabinol's mechanisms are shared with THC; everything that dexabinol does, THC does -- and more. If dexabinol helps reduce brain damage -- not just from nerve gas, but with stroke and head injuries -- there is no reason to believe that THC does not do the same thing. But no one has done the research."


http://stopthedrugwar.org/chronicle/260/dexabinol.shtml

 

[MACHINE]

I have to agree with SolidForce on this one. First if you own guns you should have nothing to do with drugs. Second its ilegall for a reason. And getting into drugs to solve something like this will probally only make matters worse.

 

[Mndfusion]

Hold on guys -- I am in no saying Daniel should start smoking weed. O.K Daniel thats your own business not mine...



I need to clarify --

Daniel, next time you have a glock in your mouth (for whatever personal reasons) please!!! replace it with Joint from your chemical warfare kit....Don't we all have one?

 

[brucelee]

You know what's funny, my therapist sort of insinuauted that to me. I dunno.. I wanna be a cop so the whole drug thing is out of the question.